dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think my mom watched the whole time
we're making bets on your personal life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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