Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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