Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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