he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
