I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
