He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
