remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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