i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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