My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
