@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
