I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
two words: eviction party
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
