I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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