First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
