I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
