office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
