The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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