i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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