Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
