Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
