is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The uberlube is also flammable
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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