You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
