I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
