She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
