They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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