I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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