It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
