I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize