Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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