Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
