Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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