I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
