Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
