No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
