Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
