I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
