tell your sister to shave her snatch
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
