I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
