before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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