didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
