I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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