Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Boobs speak an international language.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
