Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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