i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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