Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
