hotel room ftw
i think my mom watched the whole time
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
