You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
