Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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