Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
