Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
