Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
