kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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