Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
