I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
