Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
