I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize