I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
