I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Randomize
