It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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