So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
